I've been a little silent on the blog and that's because I've been doing a whole bunch of thinking about running and where I want to go and what I want to get out of it. What got me thinking about it was actually a comment from reader Lisa! Lisa, you posted this several days ago and it got my wheels in motion:
Running has to be joyous for me, which is why I'm happy with the pace I do.
Wow. The second I read it, it hit me why my runs have felt so hard and why it's been such a chore to get out the door and get in the workouts for the past six months or so: I've lost my joy in running.
The pic above was taken not long after I had Croc. I remember it being one of the first times after giving birth when I felt a strong urge to run. I was so excited to have been given the green light from my doctor, and Jon asked if I wanted to tag along at the beach with him and The Dude. I didn't run it fast. I didn't run very far. But it was one of the best runs I've ever had because I was beyond excited to do it. That kind of urge and happy anticipation is what I miss about the way I'm running right now, and I think I want to take some time to find it again.
I started thinking about what motivates me when I make goals (in running and in my career). I try really hard to set goals for me and not against what anyone else expects of me, but sometimes I slip up. I need to constantly keep myself in check around what's motivating me to do something -- is it because it's what other people my age are doing? or because it's something I feel like I should be doing at this point in my career? or because my friend/colleague/mom/neighbor/the lady at the flower stand is expecting me to do it? or is it because I'm passionate about it?
I'm a believer that if you set goals with the wrong intentions and motivations, then you won't hit them the way you want to because your heart won't be all in. Honestly, I'm not super jazzed about training to run a sub-two hour half right now. Sure it would be a fantastic thing to cross off my list, but I don't think it will bring me more joy than frustration. I want to find the parts about running that excite me again! I want to remove the rigidity of a training schedule to just do what I feel like doing to be active on any given day.
I wouldn't say I'm the most terribly self-aware person you've ever met, but I do know this about myself -- I over-plan and over-prepare for things to the point where sometimes I don't do the actual *thing* very well at all because I've stressed myself out about the planning part. I need to just relax a little and find the fun again.
This pic below is at Lake Tahoe. Jon and I had been sitting on the beach and I was watching the other vacationers paddle boarding. I mentioned how I'd always wondered what it was like to try one, so Jon said "then try it!" If he'd said that to me five years earlier, I'd have said no way. But I was sober at this time and all of a sudden I wasn't afraid of trying something totally new while potentially really embarrassing myself. I didn't really care what other people thought, I just knew I wanted to do it and so I did! Don't I look like a pro :) It was so much fun. It was the highlight of our entire trip for me. And it was just sort of perfect because the urge came to me naturally and ended up being a lot of fun. A pleasant surprise.
So I'm putting a pin in it! The sub 2-hour half, I mean. I'm going to keep entering and running all the races that seem fun to me, and skip the rigid pace or distance goals (for now). For the next several months, I'm putting my effort into not putting effort into it if that makes sense! I think I might actually surprise myself with what I can accomplish when I don't set out to do it. I ran my fastest 10K ever when I signed up last minute because it was a gorgeous course on a beautiful day and I was running it with a group of friends. THAT was joy in running! And that's what I'm going to find again!
And here are 10 photos from my feed!
I ordered this puzzle for Christmas but it arrived too late -- it's a hometown puzzle where you provide your address and they send you a puzzle of it and the surrounding area! I got it on Sundance.
Taking bites from the apple sculpture at the DeYoung Museum!
Every year we make pork and sauerkraut and mashed potatoes for New Years Day. Jon is very sweet and does deliveries to our close friends and they look forward to it every year! It's supposed to bring in good luck with the new year. My German mom did it and Jon's German mom did it too!
This one - always breaking the rules.
Taken this morning to show off the monkey bone (not real bone obvs) necklace my mom used to wear and that she finally let me have. I don't wear it often because I love it so much.
I had to screenshot this unbelievable item Balenciaga is selling which they're calling a "ChouChou Bracelet" but we all know is A ONE HUNDRED NINETY-FIVE DOLLAR SCRUNCHIE!!!!
Big time throwback photo! Oh little Nikolai how we miss you :(
I'll take any opportunity I can to share this moment with Jeff Goldblum. Oh have I shared it before? I'll probably share it again too...
Hahahahaha Jon got overly aggressive with the washing machine at work. Yes his company provides laundry machines on site so you never have to take gym clothes to and from!
Both of my kids have unhealthy loves for butter. Here is one of them swiping it on a cheeseburger?
I'm pretty excited that it's already Friday tomorrow. It was my first day back at work today so it's awfully nice to have it be a short week!
Tell me: What brings you joy? For me: family, friends, nature, being healthy, helping others, learning new things.
(Almost) daily blogger. Sober runner. Mental sh*t stirrer. Pro gender equality in tech. Family first.